Friday, November 04, 2005

Of Sound Mind and Body!

Choosing My Religion!

If you’re a chimp like me, you’ll appreciate that science isn’t the answer to everything. It never claimed to be. Certainly, it’s the greatest method yet discovered for plucking the bananas of truth from the jungle of lies, delusion, superstition and prejudice. That’s a gibbon.

But what of beauty, art, ethics and love? What of the liberation of oneself from the animalistic and materialistic worlds? What of spirituality?

Now at this point you may realise I’m not talking about Christianity here. As far as I can see, there’s nothing liberating or aspirational about a bunch of miserable, repressed humans, stoically regurgitating words they don’t understand, in a vast, cold building. Oh, no. And is it me, or did someone swap all the words round in those ancient hymns?

“Begat thee o’er Him rejoice, thou dost proud stand Him lie.”

What the flock’s that about? I’m also not talking about your so-called ‘New Age’ movements, which ironically are all based on a load of very old hippy toss-buggery.

No, no… I’m talking of the spirituality envisioned by Einstein. The natural religion which denies a personal, humanlike God, dismisses the accuracy of sacred texts, and poo-poos the power of prayer as mere wishful thinking (did you know us apes like flinging poo?). There’s no soul, and no immortality. Instead you get a spirituality keyed to nature itself. The ultimate religion, if you like, connecting the world’s populace by advanced reasoning and logic, accepting only that which is scientifically explainable, resulting in a unity of belief that eliminates all differences and conflicts, allowing peaceful coexistence for all.

Yeah, yeah, it’s a tad idealistic and woolly at best, but if you want something a bit more orangu-tangible, then you could do a lot worse than Buddhism. A scientifically-minded review of the Dalai Lama’s latest book shows us that His Holiness sees Buddhism sitting squarely alongside science, both striving for an understanding of nature based on the sharing of knowledge and transcending of boundaries. Clearly, me being a primate and all, I’m hardly going to argue with a bloke named after a large, woolly South-American camelid!

Who’s For Dinner?

I intended to make only one entry today, the one above on science and spirituality, but there’s something I’ve just got to get off my hairy chest. And that thing is Hufu. For the uninitiated, ‘Hufu’ is a food product described by its inventor as “The healthy human flesh alternative”.

Yes, you heard right. ‘Hufu’, as in ‘human tofu’, has been designed to resemble, as humanly possible, the taste and texture of human flesh. Mmm, scrumptious! Its niche market (surely it is niche?) are those hungry for the experience of cannibalism, yet deterred by those pesky legal and logistical impediments that tend to get in the way. And get this, it’s also a great product for cannibals who want to quit. Brilliant! Maybe they’ll bring out gum and patches?

Lastly, in what can only be described as inspired marketing nous, you can also buy the Chuck Heston classic Soylent Green from the site too. Tasty!


At 12:22 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aint pork a reasonably close tasting substitute for Human flesh?? Is the "Hufu" for "Vegetarian Cannibals"??
Interestly the verification word was "goape" . Is that deliberate??

At 12:47 pm, Blogger Chris Ball said...

Ah well, you've fallen into the trap of common myth.

If you read the 'Hufu' FAQ you'll see that human flesh tastes more like sweet beef than pork.


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